I don’t go looking for shit people say about me online. I am under no illusion that I’m everyone’s fav. I don’t like calling attention to negative feedback.
But I need to talk about Linda tonight for a couple reasons. She left this comment on my last post about my impending divorce.
Comment reads: “Yeah….it probably didn’t work out because you’re all over the place. Let’s live in an RV!! Let’s settle down now! Now I want my own apartment! It makes me roll my eyes that you charge people $40 to chat with you on zoom. You’re exhausting.”
And damn, this feels good, and like old blogging, like when I would get really fired up about something totally fucking dumb and pound out a blog post in 5 minutes. I have missed this feeling, muse Linda!
Anyway, I want to take a few minutes to address this idea that I’m exhausting. That sharing my story has been, what, too dramatic? Too… imperfect? Too much? Let’s go with too much.
Readers, how many times, as a woman, have you been made to feel like you’re too much? Your emotions are too much. Your laugh is too much. Your tears are too much. You move too much. You dream too much. You complain too much. You share too much. You talk too much. You care too much. Too much. Tooooooomuch.
You know what I’m fucking over, Linda? I’m over people thinking that I or any other woman would or should give a solitary fuck about how exhausting or too much they find us. I’m over the idea that it’s totally ok to go to a woman’s blog and go through the effort of TYPING A COMMENT to tell her that the things she shares on her blog and on her social media spaces, WHICH YOU HAVE TO OPT INTO READING, exhaust you.
Linda, nobody even COMMENTS ON BLOGS ANYMORE. And yet, look at how exhausted you are, typing comments like it’s 2012.
You know what I would like to normalize in 2021? Moving the fuck on with our own lives and not wasting keystrokes telling other women who make us UNCOMFORTABLE that they are too much/exhausting.
Don’t follow women who exhaust you, Linda. The internet is aplenty.
Let’s make it real awkward for people like Linda moving forward. Your friend or cousin or coworker starts going on about how they are so exhausted by women who are too much? Look at them and slowly ask them who is making them care. It’s 2021. We are a year into a pandemic, and the political landscape has left us emotionally raw. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to be exhausted, and this isn’t one of them.
Reader, your messy life is worth sharing, no matter how exhausting it may seem to others. Your “too much” is someone else’s “OMG it’s not just me.” I will not make myself small ever, ever again. Not for people I know in real life, and certainly not for Linda.
I’m not writing this for sympathy.
I assure you that for every comment like Linda’s that I get (to my internet face, at least) there are literally hundreds, maybe even thousands of women who thank me for living the exhausting and the too much out loud. I don’t need reassurance that what I share matters.
I’m writing this because I want you to know that if someone (like Linda) thinks you’re exhausting or too much, you’re doing a great job living an authentic life. Because life is SO FUCKING MUCH and so exhausting, and good on you for not making yourself small enough for people like Linda to swallow.
And if you’d like to book a $40 30 minute Zoom consulting session to pick my brain about business or blogging or nearly anything else, here’s the link. Thanks for your support! Hope your eyes don’t get stuck that way, Linda.
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