First, I want to thank you all so much for the incredible, supportive response I’ve received after announcing that my marriage is coming to an end. 99% of you have respected my boundaries in a way that has filled my heart with so much hope and love.
I love seeing this shift- in general- in people coming to terms with not needing to know every detail about someone’s life to recognize that their struggles are valid. Truly, thank you.
Now that a little time has passed, and some well-meaning and very gentle inquiries have come my way, I figured I would open up just a bit more to share with you a few more details. Really, the main goal of this is to help other women who are a few steps behind me in this process. There are A LOT of you in my DMs and inboxes every day. I know I couldn’t get to where I am now without women who had forged that path ahead of me, so I’m here to reach my hand back and pull more of you along.
Our Current Living Situation
I got a one bedroom apartment last July. At the time, it was an effort to find a space for me to heal and work. (Did you see the In Style piece I was included in about this?) We were not planning to divorce then, and were hopeful that space would help our relationship strengthen. For various reasons, that didn’t happen. So I already had a place to live on my own when we decided to move forward with the divorce.
Scott travels nearly every week for his job. He has since he started it a year ago. I stay at the house with the kids during the week while he’s gone. Then I stay at my apartment Thursday through Sunday while he’s home. The kids stay at the house full time, though they do take turns coming to my apartment for sleepovers on the weekends.
Our Future Living Arrangements
When my apartment lease is up this summer, I plan to rent a 4 bedroom house in a neighborhood very near the one Scott’s house is in, and zoned for the same schools. The kids will then split time between the two houses, being with me while he works, and with him when he’s home. The dogs will go back and forth, too.
We are doing our very best to keep custody arrangements fluid and as close to 50/50 as possible. Of course, this could change down the road, but we are both- at this time- working with each other to stay flexible, accommodating Scott’s work travel, and keeping the kids best interest at the forefront.
How Are The Kids?
We have certainly all felt a wide range of emotions, and Scott and I are doing our best to allow for all feelings from the kids to be expressed. Our current focus is letting them feel whatever they need to- sadness, anger, fear, confusion, etc.- but to guide them to work through and express them in a healthy way.
Are we great at this? No. It’s hard. We don’t know what we’re doing.
But, I think the kids are coping as well as we could hope for. We talk openly with them about it whenever they like. We try to be upfront about plans so they feel like they are a part of this process in some ways.
We’ve reached a point where we have mostly good days now, but we also know that bad days and sad days are just part of life, and we leave space for them.
How Am I?
I’m ok. I have good days and bad days. I’m overwhelmed and scared, also excited and feel relief. I’m in therapy still, and anticipate I will be for a long time. I have a strong core group of friends and a vast network of support.
I’m currently looking for a full time job with benefits because the instability of freelance life is wrecking my mental health. I need to know I can support my kids, no matter what. And I’m gonna need insurance.
I enjoy having a space that’s all my own. It’s also super fucking lonely sometimes. I almost got a puppy last week, which is THE WORST IDEA EVER and I’m really glad I didn’t go through with it, and borrowed Rosie for the weekend, instead.
I’m getting stronger every day. I’m learning to love myself more every day.
I’m so lucky. And I’m inspired to keep sharing this journey however I can because it’s clear I’m far from alone.
Your Vibrant Chapter
As I mentioned, I’ve been on the receiving end of incredible support, especially from women who have been through this or are going through this. One of those women is my friend from Canada- Joanna Venditti of Nesting Story. She and I have been talking about how many women privately reach out to us with questions, and we wanted to create a private place to have conversations with other women who are considering leaving their partners, or have been left.
Tomorrow, January 28th, we’re hosting 2 Zoom chats to do just that. We’re not therapists or lawyers or divorce coaches. We are not showing up in a professional capacity. Instead, we are creating a safe environment (NDAs must be signed, you can be anonymous to the rest of the group if you’d like) where we can have an honest conversation about the details we can’t type up for the world to read.
If you’d like to join us, there are still spots left. The cost is $40 for a one hour session with a small group. We will have resources to share with the group, as well.
You can sign up by visiting my Calendly link.
What’s Next & What Do I Need?
Again, thank you all for respecting that there’s a lot I can’t share about this journey now, and much I probably won’t ever share. I’m always trying to balance being vulnerable with being responsible. You’re welcome to ask me questions that I didn’t answer here. I may be able to answer them at some point. Maybe not.
I plan to keep showing up in this space and on Instagram to share my story as it unfolds. But I’m also writing a lot privately, and processing a lot behind the scenes. I also hope to create content that makes me happy again- creative stuff.
As I navigate becoming financially independent, I’m always grateful for anyway you can support my e-shop. My ebook Picture Play continues to be an important source of income. I host 30 minute Pick-My-Brain one-on-one chats on a variety of topics. And if you’re a brand that would like to connect with THE MOST amazing, engaged, loyal group of good-hearted people/readers, I’ve got a media kit for you.
I love you guys. Really. I know I don’t “know” who is really reading this, but those of you who have continually showed up for me in really beautiful ways are so important to me. I thank you.
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- Here’s What I CAN & Want To Tell You About My Impending Divorce - January 27, 2021