I put an orange in my freezer last week because my TalkSpace therapist told me that holding a frozen orange can help ground or center me next time I have a panic attack.
I don’t know the science behind it, but I do know when I was having my last panic attack in Palm Springs, my friend Morgan put an ice cold towel on my head and that seemed to help. So I’ll freeze an orange. Just in case.
I haven’t had a chance to try it out, thank goodness. I hope I never do, but who knows.
I wish I could say that signing up for TalkSpace has been the answer to my anxiety needs. My therapist seems amazing. I’m just awful at communicating with her. I really need to log in, but it turns out that therapy is really hard work and it’s easier to ignore it. That’s just where I’m at, truthfully. But I’m going to log in. I will. I paid upfront over $200 for this month, so I really need to. At least to tell her I put the orange in the freezer.
My Lexapro prescription is about to run out and I have to get into an actual doctor to get it renewed. That means I have to find an actual doctor, and then I’ll have to rehash why I need the Lexapro, and maybe I’ll be made to feel like I don’t need it or I don’t know what I’m asking for. I used to have my midwife write my prescription for me, but that was up in Dallas and she moved from the practice, and I’d have to start all over up there anyway. Plus we don’t live there anymore.
When I went to urgent care while we were traveling back in November with a dull ear ache and an acute case of anxiety, they would have gladly prescribed me a gallon of antibiotics for my ear before even looking at it, but made me feel like asking for Lexapro was like asking for addictive pain meds that I was instead going to sell on the black market.
I actually would love to get something in addition to the Lexapro for when things get super amped up- like for flying or when I have a panic attack and I’m in another timezone. Looking forward to the justifying I’ll have to do for that!
Many of you have asked about/recommended CBD oil. I had some luck with it, but it’s not strong enough for the severe anxiety. I do have some more on the way to me, though.
My therapist actually recommended some Austin area psychiatrists who could prescribe meds, but the trouble is I can’t get into the ones on our insurance for quite some time.
F every person in this country who cries “mental health problems!” after someone does something awful but then keeps voting for people who aren’t actually making it easier for people with mental health problems to get help. Also, I know a lot of people with mental health issues who would never think of shooting up a place. Also, also, I’m fine. This is not me saying I’m thinking of doing any of those things. I would like to point out though that I, a privileged white woman with all the support in the world am finding this to be a challenge, and I am sad and mad for the people with fewer resources than me who need the help even worse than I do.
I would also very much like to check in somewhere for 30 days, like Britney Spears. Really quite jealous of that situation, but also fully support her and am cheering her on.
I’m just being “brave” and writing about mental health and anxiety, I guess, which is as ridiculous as saying someone is brave for writing about how they manage cold and flu season, but also I get it. I feel trepidatious publishing this- in giving people/strangers so much ammunition when it comes to my mental health.
On another note, I also got a weighted blanket. I’m still not sure if it feels like a calming hug or just another kid climbing on me. I’ll keep you posted on that and the orange.. and the CBD oil and therapy and the prescriptions.
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18 comments
It is so impossible to get an actual appointment with someone that can prescribe mental health medications. It is disgusting, and the trouble is sometimes the first set of medicines don’t work, so you have to adjust and try again so you might actually need another appointment. I do love my weighted blanket. Good luck to you.
Yeah, I feel like Lexapro may not be the best fit for me anymore, but the thought of weaning off and going back on something else is too scary. Thanks for your support, Andi.
Jill- wondering what made you switch from Zoloft to Lexapro? I’ve taken Zoloft for Postpartum Anxiety twice and am on it now again for some increased anxiety and what I believe is pre-menstrual mood deterioration. I just increased my dose to 75 mg because the 50 mg wasn’t helping all the way like it did previously. Just looking for others experiences etc. thanks! Your story has been such a comfort to me that we aren’t alone!
Hey Jane! So sorry to hear you’re struggling. Zoloft seemed to make me kinda… disconnected? I can’t really remember all too well because it was years ago. I just remember my 2nd midwife suggesting Lex and liking it a lot better. She said that she typically relied on Zoloft for PPD but thought Lex was better for PPA. Hope that helps!
THANK YOU! Thank you SO much for talking so openly about this. The stigma around mental health is real and just because you cant physically see an injury doesnt mean its not there. I will be following and watching how the weighted blanket goes. Im thinking of getting one for my daughter and one for me x
When you find the right doctor, they will not shame you for taking care of your mental health, they will support you and help you manage it. Hopefully it doesn’t take you long to find the right fit. Good luck and I hope the orange works if you need it.
Thank you so much, Megan. I’m really hoping I find a great doctor very soon.
My family doctor makes me see a psychiatrist for Lexapro. Makes me furious but I have to do it. I tried to wean myself off of Lexapro and Clonazepam but I still need it. I only take a half of a tablet of Clonazepam once a day. All this to say that I feel your pain. Anxiety and panic are horrendous. I have had it for years but it does go away for long periods of time.
Ugh. That’s what I’m worried about. Ideally they can at least feel confident extended my current prescription until I can get in with a psych. I would hope.
Thank you, Joanna! I hope I can help someone somewhere. And I did happen to take a pretty great nap with my blanket yesterday. So there’s that!
Splashing ice cold water on your face realllllly helps to *reset* you in the middle of a panic attack too (in case your orange isn’t around). The theory is that the sudden cold stimulates your vagus nerve; I super recommend looking it up. Doing that has actually helped pull me out of full-blown panic attacks before. Also, Klonopin, heh. I have 10 Klonopin for *just in case* moments. I’ve only used one in the past two years, but knowing that I have them is a comfort in and of itself. Mental health care in this country is a freaking sham, but once you find someone good, latch on like a freaking barnacle, for real.
Monica, I definitely felt the benefits of that during my last attack. My friend basically dipped a towel in a bucket of melted ice (I think) and applied that directly over my whole face. It helped a lot.
Thank you for continuing to write about this!! I am having postpartum anxiety (again) after my third baby. My therapist is also out on maternity leave lol…but I’ve been thinking of trying CBD oil. I can’t find much information on it and breastfeeding f though – have you seen any side effects with Wallace? I know you are not nursing nearly as much as I am with my almost two month old lol, but just curious.
Ugh. So sorry!! I’m pretty liberal with what I will consume while breastfeeding, knowing such a very small percentage passes on. I don’t think it had any adverse affects on him, and I still nurse him probably 5-10x a day/night.
I, too, have a truckload of “tools” that I can use for my mental health.
The problem the last time I was deep into a “state”: I was stuck in not using them. That is, the thought of all the work I had to do to get out of said state was overwhelming, and I just wanted to curl up in a blanket fort and sleep. (That’s not to say having lots of tools is a bad thing… just this last time, none of them seemed to help or feel even remotely appealing to do/use.) Just existing (even before all the “momming”) was HARD.
The Lexi has been my bestie for five years now. And CBD is not strong enough in the challenging times. It’s such a vicious cycle; making an appointment, rehashing why you need what, running out of the scrip, being in limbo. In the same way you found TalkSpace, I found an amazing psychiatrist online who can prescribe remotely to wherever you might be. Something to consider! Thanks for sharing all of this.
Good luck, Jill! My husband has panic and anxiety. He couldn’t drive himself home from work regularly and it took MONTHS for the doctors to prescribe him something. It should by this hard. Good luck with your refill. I’m crossing my fingers that you find a gem of a doctor.
I’ve had luck with Maven (not sponsored, just personal experience). It was for a UTI not antidepressants but they do mention both on their forums, and they can have somewhat similar levels of ridiculous hoop jumping. They often have a free first appt code floating around. And telemedicine can prescribe non-controls in TX no prob.