I put an orange in my freezer last week because my TalkSpace therapist told me that holding a frozen orange can help ground or center me next time I have a panic attack.
I don’t know the science behind it, but I do know when I was having my last panic attack in Palm Springs, my friend Morgan put an ice cold towel on my head and that seemed to help. So I’ll freeze an orange. Just in case.
I haven’t had a chance to try it out, thank goodness. I hope I never do, but who knows.
I wish I could say that signing up for TalkSpace has been the answer to my anxiety needs. My therapist seems amazing. I’m just awful at communicating with her. I really need to log in, but it turns out that therapy is really hard work and it’s easier to ignore it. That’s just where I’m at, truthfully. But I’m going to log in. I will. I paid upfront over $200 for this month, so I really need to. At least to tell her I put the orange in the freezer.
My Lexapro prescription is about to run out and I have to get into an actual doctor to get it renewed. That means I have to find an actual doctor, and then I’ll have to rehash why I need the Lexapro, and maybe I’ll be made to feel like I don’t need it or I don’t know what I’m asking for. I used to have my midwife write my prescription for me, but that was up in Dallas and she moved from the practice, and I’d have to start all over up there anyway. Plus we don’t live there anymore.
When I went to urgent care while we were traveling back in November with a dull ear ache and an acute case of anxiety, they would have gladly prescribed me a gallon of antibiotics for my ear before even looking at it, but made me feel like asking for Lexapro was like asking for addictive pain meds that I was instead going to sell on the black market.
I actually would love to get something in addition to the Lexapro for when things get super amped up- like for flying or when I have a panic attack and I’m in another timezone. Looking forward to the justifying I’ll have to do for that!
Many of you have asked about/recommended CBD oil. I had some luck with it, but it’s not strong enough for the severe anxiety. I do have some more on the way to me, though.
My therapist actually recommended some Austin area psychiatrists who could prescribe meds, but the trouble is I can’t get into the ones on our insurance for quite some time.
F every person in this country who cries “mental health problems!” after someone does something awful but then keeps voting for people who aren’t actually making it easier for people with mental health problems to get help. Also, I know a lot of people with mental health issues who would never think of shooting up a place. Also, also, I’m fine. This is not me saying I’m thinking of doing any of those things. I would like to point out though that I, a privileged white woman with all the support in the world am finding this to be a challenge, and I am sad and mad for the people with fewer resources than me who need the help even worse than I do.
I would also very much like to check in somewhere for 30 days, like Britney Spears. Really quite jealous of that situation, but also fully support her and am cheering her on.
I’m just being “brave” and writing about mental health and anxiety, I guess, which is as ridiculous as saying someone is brave for writing about how they manage cold and flu season, but also I get it. I feel trepidatious publishing this- in giving people/strangers so much ammunition when it comes to my mental health.
On another note, I also got a weighted blanket. I’m still not sure if it feels like a calming hug or just another kid climbing on me. I’ll keep you posted on that and the orange.. and the CBD oil and therapy and the prescriptions.